21 Of The Funniest Tweets About Married Life (Feb.18 - Feb 24)

Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between. Somehow the married people on X, formerly known as Twitter, continue to find humor in the minutiae of wedded life.

Every week, we round up the funniest marriage tweets on the platform. Read on for 21 relatable ones that will have you laughing in agreement.

My fortune cookie says I’m going to meet the love of my life and know I’m trying to think of how to break the news to my wife.

— Jew in a Canoe ✡️ 🎗️memoir now available! (@WillieHandler) February 24, 2025

Husbands looking to reignite the spark in your marriage, have you ever tried taking her to Home Goods to check out the spring decor and then maybe lunch at that chicken salad place?

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 20, 2025

Apparently my wife doesn’t want to apply DOGE to our marriage pic.twitter.com/ujc0pjSt2x

— Robert Sterling (@RobertMSterling) February 24, 2025

My husband: frustrated that he can’t find something in the grocery store

Employee: Can I help you find something?

My husband: Oh, no thanks, I’m great.

Me:

— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) February 24, 2025

Marriage is loving each other, even though there are brief moments where one of you is the most annoying person you have ever met.

— Bird Eckler (@Birdeckler) February 17, 2025

every time I make my husband a bagel I take a bite out of it and then tell him we have mice

“big mice today boss” he’ll say

— 🌱 stick 🌱 (@briggityboppity) February 23, 2025

Wanna test your marriage? Put a 2 piece swinging door up together.

— Dad Named Matt 🇺🇸 (@mahnamematt) February 22, 2025

my wife just walked into the yard and said “you wouldn’t want a margarita, would you?”

i don’t know, does a growing plant want the sun’s gentle rays? does a bird want to feel the breeze puff beneath its wings? does a bee want the dust of flower pollen

— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) February 23, 2025

Don’t take advice from me. I married what was supposed to be a one-night stand.

— Emily ™ (@emily_tweets) February 22, 2025

i love when i put on eyeliner and my husband acts like i made a transformation like yes i am the most beautiful girl thank u

— hibbaisntalive (@spookyhibba) February 21, 2025

Sometimes my husband says our house is haunted but that can’t be true. I’ve lived here for 200 years now and haven’t noticed anything unusual.

— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) February 20, 2025

Husband: Why don’t you initiate sex?

Wife: Why don’t you initiate laundry?

— BOOP (@Pettyyyboop) February 23, 2025

Being married means never admitting you were the last one to see the item that is now lost.

— Darla (@ddsmidt) February 19, 2025

was walking to the movies with my wife and (admittedly lesbian) friend and some old guy saw us, and outloud said “three lesbos, including him!” and walked away. and i don’t know why that happened

— Jeremy Kaplowitz (@jeremysmiles) February 24, 2025

No babe, your silence is perfect, responses kinda scare me

— Jason, ex inferis (@benedictsred) February 20, 2025

Sometimes my wife tells me to remind her to do something and then we laugh and laugh

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) February 19, 2025

If you refer to your wife as your old lady, it’s safe to assume you know how to cook meth at your trailer park

— Tony P. (@Tbone7219) February 23, 2025

True romance is going to physical therapy together when you’re old.

— Stacey (@skittle624) February 20, 2025

I hope my wife likes the email I sent her listing all my accomplishments as a husband.

— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) February 24, 2025

My husband just bought a 2nd painting of Napoleon, what level of midlife crisis is this

— meghan (@deloisivete) February 21, 2025

me: I’m going to start getting the kids ready for bed

wife: it’s 4:30

me:

wife: please proceed

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) February 21, 2025

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