What ‘Elsbeth’ Taught Me About Friendship

I didn’t start watching “Elsbeth” until May 2024 ― a few months after its premiere, but its timing was perfect.

After I had my first child prematurely, she was in the NICU for a month. While she was being cared for, I stayed home, pumped milk every three hours, and shuttled back and forth to the hospital. I was up during parts of the night and morning while the world slept, binge-watching “Elsbeth.”

The CBS crime procedural series — a spinoff of “The Good Wife”— moved its well-liked, unconventional lawyer Elsbeth Tascioni (Carrie Preston) from Chicago to New York City and gave her a new purpose. She was overseeing the NYPD homicide cases after the department was sued for a wrongful arrest. Elsbeth isn’t received well initially, but she quickly charms her co-workers, especially Captain C.W. Wagner (Wendell Pierce), and the more serious, straight-laced officer Kaya Blanke (Carra Patterson), with whom she forms a fast connection.

Watching “Elsbeth” poked at a part of me I had withdrawn from my social circles. For years, I’d been dealing with infertility, and I’d distanced myself from close friends and social settings. I cherished my close female friends, but when life became painful, it felt easier to disappear into my bubble. As a new mom going through postpartum, the possibility of descending into deeper isolation loomed. But “Elsbeth” inspired me to better nurture and reinforce my bonds with the women I cherished most.

The series is a comforting watch that took some stress away from my ’round-the-clock responsibilities and my baby not yet being home. But it was really Elsbeth and Kaya’s friendship — the backbone and heart of the show — that has had the biggest impact on me.

When Elsbeth has no one to take to a gala, Kaya goes as her date. Later in the series, Kaya needs a place to stay, and Elsbeth lets her live with her, and the two become brief but adorable roommates.

Elsbeth and Kaya’s pairing dips deeper than the basic stereotypes. Though they differ in age, race, personality and economic status, their unlikely dynamic crosses all these barriers to exemplify true friendship. It highlights how, often, the most significant ones come later in life. As someone whose closest friends are from adulthood, watching their connection flourish has been both moving and relatable.

In “Something Blue,” Episode 7 of the first season, Elsbeth hosts a housewarming party. Kaya gifts her purse hooks for her trademark, oversized tote bags. Her attentive gift beautifully illustrated that it’s the smaller, thoughtful gestures that often define a friendship. The brief, yet pivotal moment quietly set the tone for the growing friendship between them, and it’s when I became completely invested in their relationship. At the same time, seeing their partnership blossom and grow each episode became an important reminder of my own friendships.

I sent a burnt-out, stressed pal who I hadn’t seen in months a care package with face masks and a note saying how much I missed her. When she called to thank me, we made plans for lunch. I called another woman whose calls I’d ignored to tell her how sorry I was ― and that I was back, if she’d have me. She welcomed my return wholeheartedly and needed little explanation. It felt amazing to reunite with the people and parts of myself that I’d hidden away for so long.

Part of the crime procedural show’s charm is its lack of cynicism. The relationship between the two women always feels grounded in a sense of reality, even if the plot lines often don’t. Their friendship is a love letter to the underlying, often forgotten things that keep us connected in real life: acceptance and compassion. Kaya embraces her friend’s quirkiness and likes her for it. Meanwhile, Elsbeth brings out a softer side of Kaya and holds her in high esteem.

In “Something Blue,” the two pose as mother and daughter-in-law to gain information for the murder case. While investigating, Elsbeth tells her friend, “For the record, I’d love to be your mother-in-law,” and later explains it would never work. Besides her son Teddy being gay, he also “doesn’t fall for kind or honest people.”

Their constant support for each other is at times relatable and sometimes just admirable. In one particularly poignant moment, Kaya realizes Elsbeth will be alone for the holidays, and she arranges for a surprise visit from Teddy to see his mom.

Elsbeth’s unwavering faith in her friend also struck a chord. She backs her in every case, holds her up and helps the officer realize her dreams of becoming a detective. That show of allyship made me want to do more. When one of my close friends wrote a fabulous piece, I put the byline on a coffee cup as a Christmas present.

While the world is in constant chaos, Elsbeth and Kaya’s fictional relationship isn’t only a light and heartfelt escape.

It’s also a template for the kind of friend we should all strive to be.