Meghan and Harry can do one thing to improve the world (Image: Getty)
You can just see it can’t you? Harry’s mind-bogglingly nuts idea for an Oprah Winfrey-style touchy-feely, snowflake interview with, er, Russian dictator and genocidal killer .
“The invasion was really just my cry for help…” says the teary St Petersburg psychopath, mawkish, eyes down at the floor as Meghan and Harry squeeze his hand, all furrowed brows and concerned looks in their perfectly coiffed Montecito garden.
You think I’m mocking? Oh no, my friends, this was Harry’s genuine pitch to bosses we are told: a box-set of interviews with world tyrants which would presumably allow Harry to help them come to terms with what it means to struggle with sociopathic tendencies.
So perhaps Harry was imagining a puffy-eyed Kim Jong-Un saying “I don’t want nuclear Armageddon I just want to be loved” or perhaps, Ayatollah Khamenei pulling on a hijab and confessing “I just want to explore my feminine side..” – I guess we’ll never know.
Meghan, it seems, also has an impulse to create TV shows and podcasts, despite there being not a single shred of evidence she’s any good at it. I have friends in broadcast media who have worked their socks off for decades to learn their craft and profession.
It takes a special kind of entitlement to wander in and suddenly believe you’re a TV producer just because you’re rich and famous.
You aren’t – which is why your mind-numbingly tedious offerings have been teeth-clenchingly unwatchable and unlistenable. And cancelled.
Vanity Fair reports: “They have this naivete and their hopefulness about what’s possible in terms of storytelling and good works and all those things.”
Which is a nice way of saying they’re rubbish.
And this is largely because they want to be seen as the planet’s most virtuous couple, making the world a better place one dull-as-ditchwater podcast at a time. Their shows are about celebrating Harry and Meghan’s virtue rather than offering anything at all which might engage or entertain a viewer.
Contrast that with, say, Oprah Winfrey, a true TV professional with the instincts of a street-fighter, who ruthlessly rinsed these two chumps and in so doing provided the only Haz and Megs offering worth watching in the last five years.
That, Harry and Meghan, is how you do it.
Of course, like all things in life, even Vanity Fair concludes not everything about this couple is irredeemably bad. Harry’s work with the Invictus Games gets a thumbs-up, as well it might. And it’s hard not to conclude that Meghan is a grafter – yes, I’m well aware she’s been called a grifter too – but boy she puts the hours in.
And that’s the thing. If only Harry and Meghan could just have a look at how, say, Uncle Edward and Auntie Sophie have got on with their lives, both professional and royal. This pair live quietly decent lives in the royal background, supporting more than 70 charities then stepping up to the royal plate when necessary.
If Harry and Meghan could learn a thing or two from them and recede into the background perhaps then they could finally achieve their oft-professed aim of making the world a better place.
For us lot anyway.