I have always been a “yes” woman: Yes, I will take on another work assignment on a crazy deadline. Yes, I will go to dinner with my husband’s fraternity brothers and their wives. Yes, I will join my girlfriends for a night out of birthday revelry. Sure, I can read your kid’s college essay (for the third time) and edit it. The result: I’m exhausted, resentful, cranky, and I have no time for myself.
This year I am vowing to change things, to focus on JOMO (the opposite of FOMO, it means the joy of missing out). I’m dedicating 2025 to purposeful (or even purposeless) me time. This means I will stop comparing myself to others (and their highly cultivated social media feeds), practice saying no, and give myself permission to power off my phone. I am going to free up my time and release my anxiety of always needing to be busy. It doesn’t make me less of an achiever; it doesn’t mean my life is unfulfilled or I am inadequate. It’s instead a commitment to caring how I spend my time and appreciating the small stuff I might have never noticed. It’s allotting hours to passion projects and seeing where they might lead. I can go to a reiki session or zone out on a park bench and people-watch — a solid 60 minutes of being completely off the grid. It’s OK to binge a show and not feel like a lazy, unproductive sloth for doing so. In fact, it’s more than OK.
Experts agree. “We’ve been sold on the notion that life is about packing in as much as we can — every invite, every event, every opportunity,” psychologist Caitlin Slavens tells TODAY.com. “Deciding to block out the noise and spend time with yourself is a practice that will ease stress, enhance creativity and help recharge your batteries.”
In fact, our bodies may need this, says psychiatrist Sham Singh.
“From a clinical perspective, carving time out for solitude or designed rest engages the parasympathetic nervous system, lowering cortisol and placing one in a quiet state,” Singh tells TODAY.com. “It also creates time for introspection, leading to better decision-making and deeper emotional resilience. Research affirms that downtime is needed for cognitive functioning and long-term mental health. Embracing JOMO opens one up not just to opting out of social pressures; it is a choice to invest in the psychological and emotional recovery process that lays the building blocks for a more balanced and rewarding year ahead.”
Maybe it won’t be easy at first to play my pass card. Therapist Rachel Goldberg says it can feel like “a big shift — especially for someone who’s naturally social. It’s not just about saying no to things; it’s about being OK with that decision and even finding comfort in choosing yourself over the pressure to show up.”
But I’ll do it; I’ll embrace the shift. I will RSVP my regrets without making up little white lies (“I wish I could come but I already have plans!”) and feeling guilty. I want to do nothing when I feel like it; to simply breathe and exist and appreciate where I am instead of worrying that I’m not where I should be. I want to slow down, reflect, relish the quiet and nothingness of an afternoon spent solo on my couch, diving into a good book or snoozing in my pjs. No apologies; no lack-of-performance anxiety. Just inner peace and bliss from putting myself first.
JOMO isn’t selfish; it’s self-love. It’s going for a long walk instead of returning phone calls. It’s staying in bed when I have a cold instead of pushing through and feeling lousy. It’s setting boundaries and limiting my time with people who don’t respect them. It’s prioritizing what matters to me over what others want/need/demand. No regrets! No beating myself up for needing an evening in instead of out! JOMO will let me tune out the endless news cycle that makes me worry about drones over New Jersey, bird flu and politics. All the panic and doomscrolling can wait; I’m letting it go when I need to and savoring the here and now.