Dementia guide for kids will help them relate to frail loved-ones over Christmas

An expert has penned a Daily Express dementia guide for parents and young kids – to help understand the cruel condition affecting any elderly loved-ones this Christmas. 

Christmas is a special time of the year when all the generations of families, especially young children, come together to make memories and share the joy of the season. 

But those who have not seen their grandparents or aged uncles and aunties for some time might notice changes in their mental state that maybe difficult to explain to youngsters – while a recent dementia diagnosis may add confusion to the festivities. 

Around 900,000 people in the UK suffer with Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia. The number is expected to rise to 1.5m by 2040 – due to an ageing population. 

So this in mind, the head of dementia and lifestyle at Care UK, which operates more than 150 homes across the country, has compiled some advice just for our readers on how to approach the subject of dementia with children.

Suzanne Mumford explained: “When families get together at Christmas, symptoms of dementia may become more apparent. 

“Children might have questions about why their grandparent no longer recognises them or begins acting unusually at the Christmas dinner table. 

“Here are my tips on the best way to broach the subject with children and help ensure Christmas really is the most wonderful time of the year.” 

Keep it simple: 

“We should always aim to be transparent to children and explain in simple words what’s happening rather than sweep it under the rug. Start with basic definitions. 

“Explain that dementia is a condition that affects the brain, making it hard for someone to remember things or think clearly. 

“Avoid medical jargon and focus on what children can understand. Always try to explain the situation as clearly and calmly as possible and share the facts without overwhelming them.”

Make it relatable: 

“When explaining the concept of dementia to children, it might help to use analogies or examples they can relate to, like  ‘forgetting where they put their toys’ or ‘having trouble remembering a story they just heard’. 

“Try to illustrate simple examples of behaviour that might seem strange, such as the person with dementia forgetting where they are or putting on a hat and gloves in summer. 

“Comparisons help – for example, you might say that just as a computer can get slow or have trouble loading things, some people’s brains can also have difficulties. 

“Don’t be afraid to use humour, if it feels appropriate. It often helps if you can laugh about the situation together.” 

Focus on love: 

“It’s important to explain to children their loved one might behave differently, like being confused or forgetting names, but they are still the same person inside. 

“Most importantly, they still love you even if they might not always remember your name. Focus on the things that the person can still do – giving your child plenty of reassurance, love and compassion along the way.”

Encourage questions: 

“There’s no doubt children will have a lot of questions about their loved one with dementia. It’s vital that they feel safe and able to ask these questions and express their feelings. 

“This will help them to process everything they are seeing and hearing around them. Be sure to ask how the person’s dementia makes the child feel. 

“Listen carefully to what they have to say and try to imagine the situation from their point of view, which will help you find out exactly what might be concerning them. 

“Reassure them that it’s okay to feel sad or confused about the changes and that they can talk to you about it anytime they need.” 

Revisit the topic: 

“Dementia can have a huge impact on family life and a child’s thoughts and feelings should be spoken about regularly. 

“Always tailor the details based on the child’s age and understanding, and be ready to revisit the conversation as they have more questions over time. 

“Try to be patient. You may need to repeat your explanations on different occasions, depending on the age of your child. 

“As children grow, their understanding will evolve – so be on the learning journey with them and revisit the subject as many times as necessary.”

Have fun together: 

“Christmas time is a chance for the whole family to have fun together. Involving everyone in the festivities is a great way to keep things light-hearted and help those living with dementia to feel safe and happy. 

“From stirring the Christmas pudding mix to decorating the tree together, and even wrapping gifts – there are a number of ways you can make traditional, seasonal activities as collaborative as possible. 

“Ask questions about how your loved one used to celebrate Christmas and what their family traditions were. 

“You could then try to recreate some of these to encourage a sense of comforting nostalgia, or perhaps make a Christmas memory box together to store their memories and help with reminiscence. 

“When it comes to evoking memories, raising cheer and bringing people together, the power of music is incredibly strong; and what better way to get into the Christmas spirit and connect with loved ones than carol singing. 

“Many people living with dementia can recall favourite tunes from years ago, so gather the family and enjoy a Christmas sing-along.” 

* For more information and advice, featuring stories from families and advice from experts, visit careuk.com/thebigdementiaconversation