Bruce LeVell, the former executive director for the National Diversity Coalition for President-elect Donald Trump, received swift backlash this week after he called a female panelist on CNN “dear” during a heated on-air exchange.
During a segment of Wednesday’s episode of “CNN NewsNight with Abby Phillip,” the panel discussed both the DOJ sex trafficking investigation and the House Ethics Committee investigation into former Rep. Matt Gaetz’s alleged sexual misconduct, among other allegations. (Trump had nominated Gaetz to be U.S. attorney general, but the former Florida congressman withdrew his name from consideration on Thursday.)
LeVell and Democratic strategist Julie Roginksy engaged in a back-and-forth over the specifics surrounding the DOJ investigation, which concluded with no charges filed.
“The bottom line is, the DOJ said there’s nothing there,” LeVell said before Roginsky interjected.
“No, they didn’t,” she said.
“Yes, they did,” LeVell responded.
“They said they didn’t have enough to indict; that shouldn’t be the standard,” Roginsky hit back.
Then LeVell leveled a pet name at her. “No, to charge, dear,” he said. (Watch a clip of the exchange here.)
Both Roginsky and host Abby Phillip immediately objected to LeVell’s remark. Phillip paused the discussion to call out LeVell’s “condescending” quip.
“Hold on, I’m just going to stop it right here because we are not going to get off on a wrong foot,” Phillip said before turning her attention to LeVell. “Please do not address a grown woman as ‘dear’ in a condescending tone. Do not do that at my table.”
The panel carried on with their discussion, but LeVell’s remark stopped a lot of people on social media in their tracks. Commenters slammed himfor addressing a woman with a pet nameduring a tense exchange — and in a professional environment, no less.
“Abby put the brakes on that reeeeeeal quick-like. Bravo,” one user on X, formerly Twitter, wrote.
While pet names are commonly viewed as terms of endearment, they can come across as patronizing in the wrong context. Here’s what etiquette and career experts have to say about LeVell’s use of “dear” during the CNN segment.
Should you ever assume it’s OK to call someone a pet name?
Refraining from using any language that may offend another person you don’t have a personal relationship with is a principle of proper etiquette, according to Jackie Vernon-Thompson, founder and CEO of From The Inside-Out School of Etiquette.
“If you do not know the individual well nor have any sort of close personal relationship with them, addressing them with a term of endearment is disrespectful and can very much cause offense,” she told HuffPost.
“Everyone has a name, and when you learn their name, it is advisable to use it in all circumstances, especially when in a professional environment and when interacting with strangers.”
Jodi Smith, president and owner of etiquette consultant firm Mannersmith, explained to HuffPost that pet names may be more acceptable in some situations than others. For example, a nurse at a blood drive calling someone who donated blood “sweetie” may be acceptable, whereas an attorney referring to someone as “honey” in the courtroom is unacceptable.
“Keep in mind that the tone of voice has a major impact on the perception of these nicknames,” she said.
Smith pointed out that pet names might not even be appropriate when you’re addressing someone you love. If they ask you not to use a certain pet name, then you should respect their wishes.
Is it ever appropriate to use pet names in a professional setting?
“I don’t think there’s ever a good reason to use pet names in a professional setting like the workplace,” said Linda Raynier, a career strategist and coach. “Terms like ‘dear,’ ‘sweetheart,’ or ‘honey’ are usually reserved for loved ones, like a spouse or child.”
“Using them with a coworker can come across as unprofessional and even condescending,” she added.
“Using pet names not only diminishes a woman’s identity as a professional but also undermines her role in the workplace.”
– Linda Raynier, career strategist and coach
Juliet Mitchell, CEO of the Life Etiquette Institute, said that while people can sometimes extend “grace” to others who use pet names based on their generation and culture, LeVell’s use of “dear” on CNN was a “faux pas” — especially since the exchange took place on air.
It would be appropriate for LeVell to acknowledge that using “dear” in that manner was offensive, apologize and then commit to “do better” after that heated exchange, Mitchell said.
Smith said that in professional settings, pet names can be weaponized to “establish dominance with a peer or foe.”
“Using a nickname is a trick employed by those who are (or who feel) inferior and are trying to gain ground,” she said.
“The only guideline is simply do not do it,” opined Vernon-Thompson.
Why can it be considered harmful to call women a pet name?
“In [addition] to just general dominance, calling women and minorities by nicknames reeks of misogyny and racism,” Smith said, adding that Phillip handled the exchange “perfectly.”
“One must be mindful of the way they address a woman,” Vernon-Thompson said. “It may carry unintended offensive implications.”
“She may feel as if you are seeing her as soft or one who doesn’t deserve equal respect or treatment,” she continued. “In addition, a stranger or unfamiliar person addressing a woman by a term of endearment may trigger unsolicited feelings and emotions due to trauma she may have experienced as a child.”
Raynier said that the habit of calling women pet names, such as “dear” or “honey,” is rooted in male-dominated workplaces “where it was a way for men to assert authority over women, who were often in subordinate roles like receptionists, clerks, or assistants.”
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“Using pet names not only diminishes a woman’s identity as a professional but also undermines her role in the workplace,” she said.
As for LeVell’s use of “dear,” Raynier said it was “condescending” and “absolutely” inappropriate.
Smith said that Phillip did the right thing by “immediately highlighting the inappropriate behavior and resetting the conversation.”
She advised that if you witness a similar exchange, it’s important to “assess the safety of the situation and decide how to best proceed.”
“Sometimes that means calling it out on the spot. Sometimes that means speaking with the individual later,” she said. “And sometimes that means expeditiously helping the target of the nickname exit the situation.”