New parents suffer through the absolute agony of those newborn nights when babies wake up every 45 minutes … if they even fall asleep in the first place.
To help the whole family get to sleep — and stay asleep — some parents decide to sleep train using the Ferber method, which was named after Dr. Richard Ferber, co-founder and former director of the Center for Pediatric Sleep Disorders at Boston Children’s Hospital.
Unlike the “cry it out” method, which involves putting your baby down in their crib and leaving the room so the infant can figure out how to self-soothe, the Ferber method, also known as “graduated extinction,” tends to be considered as “a little bit of a gentler approach,” says Dr. Melanie Franklin, a pediatric sleep psychologist at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia.
In this approach, parents are “not leaving the child completely alone to just cry until they fall asleep. The parents are able to go back into the room to check on their child and reassure their child as they’re working on that new skill,” says Lori Strong, certified child sleep consultant at the Family Sleep Institute.
Let’s take a closer look at this sleep training method.
How do you do the Ferber method?
To do the Ferber method, you essentially go through the bedtime routine with your little one as you usually would, put them down in their crib and leave the room.
Stay outside the nursery for a set amount of time. (Three minutes is often referenced as a starting point.) After that time is up, go back into the room and reassure your baby for a brief amount of time without picking them up. You can sing, you can rub their back or you can make shushing noises, but leave your baby in the crib.
Repeat the process of leaving the room for that set amount of time and returning for brief reassurance until your baby falls asleep. After several days, your baby will start to learn how to relax and fall asleep without you in the room.
How long should I wait when using the Ferber method?
“When you’re picking your intervals for the Ferber method, it’s important to think about what will work best for you and what will work best for your baby,” says Franklin.
“You start with shorter intervals and then gradually extend those intervals longer and longer. You could do that within the same night or you could do that over a couple of different nights. But again, it’s more important to pick an interval that feels tolerable for the family.”
“The wait time doesn’t matter as much as it does that the parents are being consistent with what they’re doing when they go into their room,” says Strong. “So if they’re talking too much or patting too much, or staying in the room too long, that can really over stimulate their child and be confusing, and you know that can sometimes cause the child to cry more.”
Franklin notes that you can still use the baby monitor throughout the process so your baby won’t be left unsupervised. You just won’t be in the same room.
When should you start the Ferber method?
Make sure you don’t begin sleep training before it’s developmentally appropriate for your child.
“Four to six months is the earliest, but this method can be used for any age (after that),” Strong says, “even with toddlers who are transitioning to a bed.
There is no “best” time to start sleep training, and in fact, you do not have to sleep train your baby at all. If rocking your baby to sleep works for you and your child, there’s no immediate need to change.
“The most important thing for baby sleep is that they’re getting enough sleep, and also that they’re in a safe sleeping environment,” Franklin says.
But if your child is waking up constantly through the night and can’t go back to sleep without you, you may become sleep deprived. It may be best for your baby if you get some rest and have more energy during you child’s waking hours.
What if the Ferber method doesn’t work?
It may seem like the Ferber method doesn’t work … at first.
“With all behavioral change, including sleep training, you usually see things get worse before they get better. That’s just how human behavior works,” says Franklin.
So if your baby has become used to mom or dad rushing in as soon as they start crying, they are likely to be confused when that doesn’t happen. If they’re used to being held and rocked to sleep, they might become angry if you put them down in the crib and walk away.
“It just takes a little bit of time for kids and babies to understand, ‘OK, this is the new limit. This is the new way I’m falling asleep,’ and it can take a couple days to adjust,” says Franklin.
Parents just need to make sure they’re anticipating any initial resistance or confusion.
Is the Ferber method safe?
“Generally, sleep training using these behavioral techniques is regarded as extremely safe,” says Franklin. “It doesn’t result in long-term trauma or short-term trauma to kids or parents. It’s just teaching them a new behavior.”
She adds that there is research to show that sleep training can be beneficial, especially for babies who need to learn to nap at daycare, for example.
There are instances in which sleep training is not medically appropriate, however.
If your baby needs to wake during the night to ingest calories, or if they have reflux or snore, check in with your doctor before starting any sort of sleep training method.
Tips for using the Ferber method
Strong says that the biggest mistake she sees parents make is staying in the baby’s room too long. Here are some of her best tips for success:
