The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. And although the platform has rebranded to X, their humor lives on.
Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings. Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
me: ok im for real going to go to bed early tonight
my brain: hey so unfortunately you gotta research what kind of whale is the biggest whale
— kenzi (@kenzianidiot) September 23, 2024
So many true crime podcasts are just like “a young woman went missing, the police took a week to respond, she was last seen with a man the community call Creepy Murdery Steve, he has never been questioned”
— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) September 23, 2024
When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of growing up to satisfy user needs in a way that meets business goals for transformative outcomes
— Chappell Ellison (@ChappellTracker) September 24, 2024
kidz bop changing the lyrics of sabrina carpenter’s “please please please” to “i beg you, don’t embarrass me or my mother” kinda rules
— distopian dream girl (@grace_roso) September 25, 2024
ok so I clicked a phishing email.
and now I’m in trouble for what? being too trusting? too unconditionally loving? too open to the universe’s surprises?
— low yield lucy (@picotop) September 24, 2024
I did not realize how much of my adult life would be spent thinking about protein
— meghan (@deloisivete) September 21, 2024
“Worm Regards” pic.twitter.com/rKHDPzRuLO
— Steph (@stephanitely21) September 23, 2024
how many two-factor authentications until i reach enlightenment
— erika (@yeeeerika) September 23, 2024
When I tell my husband I need two minutes, I mean two football minutes—so, like, 20 minutes, a timeout, and maybe a snack break.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) September 23, 2024
packing to move and found THIS…my whole life is about to change pic.twitter.com/PfIp2wGTwO
— sarah (@sablaah) September 26, 2024
i think about whether medusa’s leg hairs are little snakes more than i care to admit.
— .:RiotGrlErin:. (@RiotGrlErin) September 23, 2024
babeeee you did such an amazing job clicking on your computer today❤️
— bald ann dowd (@ali_sivi) September 23, 2024
sad we have to retire the word demure now https://t.co/P5pl6EDZRupic.twitter.com/qSLYxR83O3
— ashley ray🍦stream ice cream money (@theashleyray) September 21, 2024
sitting eating at a picnic table in a park that shares a fence with the middle school yard and this lady comes out says “shouldn’t you be in class?” and i’m confused and just freeze and she goes “come on. to the office”
and i just go “…. i’m 20…” and she went RED😭😭😭
— juliette⋆₊⋆☁︎ (@jaisydaisy_) September 24, 2024
Making my boyfriend stop everything he’s doing to look at a picture of a really big lemon i saw in 2019. and then he has to go “that’s such a big lemon” or else I will act weird for 7 hours
— helena (@freshhel) September 22, 2024
Shift.
I meant SHIFT!
Oh god. pic.twitter.com/9yx6MelbZW
— Problem Child (@Footinit) September 24, 2024
as well as an acknowledgments section, there should be a haters and losers/ anti acknowledgments section where you can mention everyone who hindered your progress
— Amelia Horgan (@AmeliaHorgan) September 22, 2024
This just in, do NOT eat the Little Debbie oatmeal cream pie if you’re 25+. Your body no longer has a Little Debbie oatmeal cream pie enzyme. You WILL get nauseous.
— Morgan 🇵🇸 (@8bitfunk) September 23, 2024
Normalize responding to work emails with:
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
— MELapalooza 🐈⚽️🎶🍾 (@MELisCrazyInAZ) September 24, 2024
Me subtly trying to meet the bartender’s eye so they see I’m waiting politely and patiently and should let me order next pic.twitter.com/Crqs1n9NNN
— Keara Sullivan (@superkeara) September 26, 2024
being a latchkey kid was sad but kids who had a parent home to greet them never got to live in that lawless two hours where you could eat something weird and you and your brother could hit each other
— roxy demento (@falseroxy) September 24, 2024
*walking into someone’s house with healthy, thriving houseplants everywhere*
Me: Oh, I see you dabble in witchcraft.
— Hollie Harris (@allholls) September 23, 2024
My closest encounter with the mafia is I went to a starkly empty pizza place in Rhode Island once, they seemed utterly confused that I wanted a pizza, it took 45 minutes to make, they gave it to me for free, and it was the best pizza I’d ever had.
— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) October 4, 2023
I just googled this exact question and the results brought me to my own tweet. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind https://t.co/pKpbMu6TtJ
— raina (@quakerraina) September 24, 2024
My bf just had me “stay alive” in his game while he went to the bathroom and I died immediately
— 𝕲𝖔𝖗𝖊 𝕲𝖎𝖗𝖑 (@g0regirlll) September 25, 2024
When eating Skittles, the line between “These are the best thing I’ve ever eaten” and “I’ve had too many, I’m never eating these again” is so fine, I usually miss it and trip over it
— redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 (@RYGdance) September 25, 2024
Starting to feel like Chappell Roan’s publicist is the 23-year-old PR intern featured in the NYT Mag profile of Tom Sandoval
— satchel maloney (@satchelmaloney) September 25, 2024
My culture (bad eyesight) is not a costume! https://t.co/L5qUEJkhPB
— Mabintou Kolley (@mabintou) September 25, 2024
As per my last nervous breakdown
— Natalie Would (@_NatalieWould) September 25, 2024
“ai is coming for your jobs” i’d like to see ai procrastinate all day before a 2pm meeting
— sophie (@netcapgirl) September 25, 2024
just discovered there’s a soup festival in france. you pay for a bowl and then just go get soup at any stand u want. i should be there…
— julie (@helencftroy) September 23, 2024
its weird that when seltzer goes flat it doesn’t turn into regular water. you can still taste that something was Done To It
— Karli Marulli (@karlimarulli) September 24, 2024
try to run up on him and you’ll find out how “by himself” he is💀 https://t.co/bmus4azYyk
— kira 👾 (@kirawontmiss) September 26, 2024
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eating a pound of fruit for dinner like some sort of zoo animal
— Jamie (@spacej_me) September 24, 2024
why is the airline manager responding in rupi kaur pic.twitter.com/XcsqTfcCsi
— nikki mccann ramírez (@NikkiMcR) September 26, 2024
quitting my job to focus on Halloween
— ˚ʚ 🐈⬛ ɞ˚ (@Cyb4rAnGeL) September 24, 2024
Support Free Journalism
Consider supporting HuffPost starting at $2 to help us provide free, quality journalism that puts people first.
Can’t afford to contribute? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. We hope you’ll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Already contributed? Log in to hide these messages.