Before becoming a parent, I often heard from other moms about how self-aware you become when you have kids, but I never imagined how something as simple as a passing comment could ignite such deep reflection — and even make me fearful.
In early December, my daughter and I flew back to Colombia to visit my family. It was the kind of day I’ve come to cherish when raising a child abroad. But in the midst of all the warmth, I heard a phrase that made my heart sink.
“Don’t ask for too much; be grateful for what you have,” my grandmother said to my mom.
It wasn’t the first time I’d heard her say it. She had said it to me when I started many of my jobs, and she meant it with the best intentions of a caring grandma. In all of those instances, I didn’t think much of it. This time, however, it hit differently. This time, I pictured my 10-month-old daughter hearing those words one day, and the thought terrified me.
Beliefs like this one are not unique to my grandmother; many of us have them. However, working with female entrepreneurs to overcome financial trauma has taught me that phrases like these create a turmoil of mixed signals between pursuing what you want and staying where you are.
Why This Phrase Is So Limiting
I’ve learned that every phrase reflects a belief system that makes sense for the season and context in which you grew up. For my grandmother, “Don’t ask for too much” represented humility, gratitude and holding on to what she had accomplished with much effort. But it also discouraged her from taking further risks and continuing to nurture her ambition — and, consequently, my mom’s ambition.
I remember my mom once telling me how she had wanted to become a flight attendant when she was younger. Her face lit up when she talked about it. Still, she never pursued it because, while deciding whether to stick with her current career — which offered security — or take a leap and pursue her dream, the phrase “Don’t ask for too much; be grateful for what you have” echoed in her head.
How That Phrase Shaped Me
I was only able to grasp the extent of how this phrase had shaped me when I left home at 19 years old and started living on my own. I started noticing the same patterns in my own life, and whenever I felt I wanted to reach for something different, aim higher, dream bigger, or ask for what I deserved, I had a little voice in the back of my mind that would make me hesitate to take the step. I’d feel as though I wasn’t being grateful enough or was asking for too much if, for instance, I wanted to ask for a raise.
This inner conflict only worsened when I started my business. I had to dream more significantly to create the kind of movement I wanted for female entrepreneurs and finances; I needed to ask for more. Although I had been very blessed to have already experienced things that nobody else in my social circle was experiencing — like traveling around the world — that inner hesitation made me question if I truly deserved and was capable of the career and lifestyle I was pursuing.
It wasn’t until much later — through my studies of financial trauma, therapy, self-reflection and the building of my frameworks for helping entrepreneurs achieve wealth — that I began to unpack how deeply ingrained those beliefs were. Surrounding myself with ambitious, like-minded women also helped me see that those beliefs weren’t mine. They had been passed down, generation after generation, like an heirloom I never asked for.
Breaking The Cycle For My Daughter
Now, as a mom, I’m determined to rewrite what was once a subconscious narrative. I want my daughter to grow up with a mindset that supports her in her dreams and growth and encourages her to seek as many opportunities as she desires. I want her to believe — and genuinely know — that she can dream big, ask for what she wants and deserves, and take up space in any room she enters.
But breaking the cycle isn’t easy. It starts with unlearning my subconscious beliefs, so I don’t unintentionally pass them on to her. For instance, when she asks for something — whether it’s a new toy or a more significant goal down the road — resist the urge to say, “You don’t need that” or “You already have enough.” Instead, I try to understand her context, explore what she wants, and help her determine what makes sense in her environment.
It also means modeling what I preach. I can’t tell my daughter to be ambitious while shrugging off opportunities myself. So, I’ve made it a point to dream big and take risks, even when they scare me.