Four words Rachel Reeves used that prove satire is dead in British politics

Rachel from Accounts, she who has delivered the worst Budget in living memory, has said that Britain must learn from President ’s positivity and be “shouting from the rooftops” about Britain’s strengths. This from the woman who has put a tax on jobs and who is threatening Britain’s food security by targeting farmers. Truly, satire is dead.

The new US President certainly hit the ground running. Stopping almost all foreign aid (rich donees don’t need it, in poor countries it ends up in Swiss bank accounts). Deporting illegal immigrants. Insisting there are only two sexes and that we talk about sex, not gender. Firing woke members of the military. Opening up fracking (“drill, baby, drill.”)

I wonder if has any idea how much so many of us wish we had ’s policies in action over here?

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Top universities including Oxbridge have been given permission to move away from “traditional” exams in a bid to boost grades for minority students and those from poor backgrounds.

This will, of course, have the exact opposite effect from that intended. If you devalue results from erstwhile centres of excellence, those able to do so will send their children elsewhere.

Dumbing down affects the less privileged. When will they learn?

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Many congrats to and her beau Ben Andersen, who have tied the knot after 21 years together.

As I very belatedly discovered, a good marriage is a wonderful way to live, but it’snot merely a commitment between two people. A society based upon monogamous espousal is by far the best way to create a stable society and raise children.

Well done, you two, and here’s to an extremely long and happy married life.

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I have recently encountered the Japanese smart loo. You know, the one that lifts its lid when it sees you, has a nice warm seat and performs ablutions on your posterior and what a very enjoyable experience it was. Still, it’s come to something when your loo is smarter than you are. As I departed, I’m sure I heard it whisper “nice bum”. Cheeky!

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One of my great ambitions in life is to visit Giraffe Manor, a safari lodge in Nairobi, Kenya, in which giraffes wander around the gardens and stick their very long necks into the dining room. But from what I hear from Lake Hartwell Wildlife Safari in the US state of Georgia is anything to go by, perhaps I should go west instead!

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The make-up artist Pierre Olivier Persin, who transformed from a beautiful woman into a grotesque gargoyle in the horror film The Substance, has revealed that she had to spend six hours a day in a chair to undergo the transformation and was incredibly patient about it. “She just has a little dog, a little chihuahua called Pilaf on her lap,” he said.

Sweet little Pilaf, right, with Demi, has also been seen with her owner on the red carpet and just about everywhere else Demi goes to these days, and gives every indication of being the real centre of her life.

There’s an old saw: “The more I know of men, the more I love my dog…”

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Betty, the Burmese cat writes: “The charity Cats Protection has said humans should stop dressing their felines in human clothes as it makes us stressed as it restricts our movement.

“Too right: I already have such a beautiful fur coat I really don’t need anything to enhance it, except perhaps the odd diamond on my collar, hint, hint. But what about the way the humans them -selves dress? Him indoors, aka Justin Urquhart-Stewart, is famous for wearing red braces. If that’s not restrictive, I don’t know what is!”