I tried iconic British crisps for first time ever – one was so gross it should be illegal

I have always considered myself a crisp lover, but I’ll be the first to admit, my tastes are a little basic.

Give me a good quality ready salted and I’m happy – and salt and vinegar makes me even happier. But having grown up in there are plenty of iconic British crips that many of you have grown up with that I had never tried.

So, what better way to get acquainted with all these flavours than to taste them all (or at least the ones I could find in ).

After crowd-sourcing from my British friends and co-workers, I selected a wide range of childhood flavours to taste, and developed a system for how I was going to do it.

All crisps would be judged on smell, texture and taste, with a water in between each to cleanse the palette. Below are my honest – and somewhat brutal – evaluations, in order of which I tasted.

Skips Prawn Cocktail

I am mystified by the British passion of putting fishy flavours into crisps, so I was worried about these. When I first opened the packet I was pleasantly surprised.

Having expected a waft of the seaside at low tide, I was happy to smell more of a spicy tomato aroma.

However, all pleasantries evaporated when I put the first crisp in my mouth, as did the crisp. The texture of Skips is horrendous, like eating packing peanuts or wall insulation. I don’t trust any crisp I don’t have to chew, and the way these melted in my mouth was nauseating.

With that said, the actual taste was quite nice. No fish at all, but rather a pleasant mild tomato.

Overall, I’d give them a 5/10.

Walkers Baked Cheese and Onion

These smell like my old PE changing room in highschool, like feet and sweat. Not exactly a good start for these British classics but I am a brave intrepid journalist so I endured.

The texture was deceiving – at first bite you’d think it was a normal crisp but you would be wrong. They dissolve into a mushy stodge that clings to your teeth and needs work to swallow 

The taste was not great. They are oddly sweet which is weird for such a traditionally savoury combination and the aftertaste was distinctly chemically. 

Overall, they get a 3/10

Twiglets

Oh Twiglets, where do I start? I was excited about these because I had been informed they taste like Marmite, which I love and would probably eat by the spoonful. But as the old saying goes, the bigger they are, the harder they fall.

The smell was off and straight away I was scared. Like a cross between the bags of seed at a petting zoo and the goat you feed them to, the stench had my stomach rumbling not with hunger but with fear.

Never one to let fear get the best of me I cracked on and tossed a couple of these weird brown sticks into my mouth. Mistake.

I was assailed by the overwhelming taste of burnt, bitter I don’t even know what. These were so horrendous I scoured the packet to see what ingredient could possibly be doing this to me but there were no answers to be found.

The texture was the least of my worries, I was too focused on how a crisp so diabolical is legally allowed to be sold. Weirdly, I did kind of want to keep eating them but I’ve always been a glutton for punishment.

Overall, I would give Twiglets -10000/10. 

Wotsits Crunchy Really Cheesey 

After the Twiglets debacle morale was low. I didn’t want to keep going but I still had three more crisps to sample. Reassuring myself it couldn’t get worse, I prevailed. 

The smell of Wotsits is not as extremely cheesy as I was expecting – more of a mild whisper. I found this very reassuring. The texture was pleasant if a little stodgy, and needed a bit of work to swallow. When it comes to taste, Wotsits were the best so far. Savoury with that pleasant fake cheese taste they were extremely moreish, and if I didn’t have two more crisps to taste I probably would have eaten the bag.

Overall they get a 7/10

Monster Munch Pickled Onion

The smell of these was bizarre and unplaceable to me. I know it’s supposed to be pickled onion but the weird nose tingle it gave me was unsettling. The texture was similar to Skips but offered slightly more bite which I was pleased about and the initial taste blew me away. 

On first sample the tangy sweetness was delicious, but once again, the aftertaste was questionable – still, I rated these and would probably eat them again.

They get an 8/10

NikNaks Nice ‘n Spicy

This was the end of the road and what an end it was! As soon as I opened the bag I knew I was in for a treat.

Sweet, fragrant and spicy, the smell was warm and welcoming after everything I had been through. Texturally comparable to the Wotsits, the NikNaks were slightly crunchier which gave them the advantage.

The taste was amazing – punchy, with all the bite of salt and vinegar but none of the burn and for once the aftertaste was pleasant and left me wanting more. Even though this was the sixth crisp I had sampled before lunch time, I finished the whole bag.

The only crisp to receive a 10/10