Ayanna Miller, 29, is TODAY’s multiplatform editor. She has PCOS and endometriosis, two conditions that can be difficult to diagnose and manage. After feeling dismissed by a doctor, she started bringing her husband, Phin, to her OB-GYN appointments. She shares her experience with one of TODAY’s health reporters in the following essay.
When pelvic pain started affecting me in my early 20s, I’d visit my doctor practically monthly to ask for help. Yet every time, I felt as if my concerns were dismissed. I’d hear, “Oh, you’re overreacting.” Or, “It’s mittelschmerz,” which is cramping that occurs during ovulation.
I told doctors several times that I thought I had endometriosis, a condition where tissue similar to the lining of the uterus grows in the pelvic cavityand can cause a lot of pain. When I have a flare, it feels as if someone is thrusting a hot poker or knife into my pelvis. But doctors kept telling me I didn’t have the hallmarks of the condition, and it was “just” pelvic pain.
Eventually, though, I was diagnosed and underwent excision surgery to remove the endometriosis, but it took me many years of advocating for myself and seeing seven different doctors before one took my concerns seriously.
My experience being diagnosed with PCOS was similarly difficult, and after several visits I eventually convinced my doctor to give me a blood test that I knew would suggest that I had the condition, which is an endocrine disorder characterized by hormone imbalances. It can cause irregular periods, ovarian cysts, insulin resistance, facial hair growth and infertility.
The idea to take my husband, Phin, to OB-GYN appointments came up after a particularly bad experience with a doctor. My IUD was painful and I wanted to try out a different type of birth control — I’d made it clear that I didn’t want to have children then. But the doctor minimized my concerns and ignored my request, telling me I’d be fine and not offering other options.
Rattled by the doctor’s awful bedside manner and a rough ultrasound, I told Phin. I shared that I felt emotionally exhausted by being told that I’m overreacting, lying or “too young” to make decisions about my own body. Soon after, he started attending OB-GYN appointments with me.
I feel anxious when I visit the doctor, and having Phin by my side helps ease that feeling. When Phin and I discuss my health at home, he asks questions to really understand my symptoms. I call him my “second doctor.” If I forget something when talking to a doctor, he often remembers and mentions it. Phin isn’t bothered by discussing women’s health. He grew up with five sisters, so talking about women’s bodies feels natural to him. If I bring up something that’s bothering me at a visit and a doctor glosses over it, Phin will redirect the conversation. Once I was visiting with an endometriosis specialist and I explained how my pain had been getting worse and I was having breakthrough bleeding. At the time, my birth control stopped my periods, so this symptom felt worrisome. I asked if my experience was normal and the doctor said, “It’s fine.” Five minutes later, Phin brought up the bleeding again and, this time, the doctor explained why it could be happening. While I felt grateful for the answer, it really pissed me off that the doctor dismissed me but answered Phin.
If I bring up something that’s bothering me at a visit and a doctor glosses over it, Phin will redirect the conversation.
Being treated differently when Phin is there with me is frustrating, and it highlights a bigger problem. Health care workers often fail to listen to Black women and it can have disastrous effects on our health. Realizing that I’m being ignored or dismissed when my husband isn’t there makes me feel as if I don’t matter or my health concerns aren’t serious. In health care settings without Phin, staff often treat me as if I am a nuisance.
I first started taking Phin to OB-GYN appointments only, but he has been such a helpful advocate for my health that I take him to all my medical appointments now. It makes me feel more comfortable and I feel like I am receiving more attention and better treatment. Luckily, I now have an OB-GYN I trust, someone who treats me the same whether Phin is with me or not. But it’s still nice to have him in my corner.
I know some women might have romantic partners who feel uncomfortable going to the OB-GYN with them. I’d encourage all women — especially women of color — to take a support person with them to doctors’ appointments or the hospital, if they can. It doesn’t even have to be your significant other. You could take another loved one, like a parent, friend or sibling. I also encourage people to take notes about their symptoms and bring them to doctor’s visits, so they have all the information handy in case something slips their mind. You can always refer to it when talking to your doctor. It’s hard to advocate for yourself, especially if you’re a person of color, and I want others to know it’s OK to ask for help.