Sherry Kuehl doesn’t hold back in her weekly column for the Kansas City Star — and she’s just as unfiltered on TikTok.
“I’ve definitely got my haters,” Kuehl, 63, tells TODAY.com with a laugh.
One of Kuehl’s videos had TikTokers, especially boy moms, particularly incensed. In it, Kuehl shared her five controversial rules for mothers of the groom.
1. “Keep opinions to yourself, even when asked,” Kuehl began. “If the bride is politely including you, and asking you your opinion about some stuff, she really doesn’t want to hear your opinion, she’s just doing it to be kind.”
If you feel you must respond, Kuehl said to keep the feedback complimentary, “even if you think it’s the worst idea you’ve ever heard in your life.”
“Say something, like, ‘You are so clever,’ or ‘Oh, that’s sounds beautiful. You’ve got great taste,’” Kuehl suggested.
2. A mother-of-the-groom “must stay positive and encouraging” throughout the planning process, according to Kuehl. When the bride is venting her frustrations, “Let her know that she’s so smart and she’s going to work it out,” Kuehl said.
3. “You really don’t have a say in anything as mother-of-the-groom, except what you wear,” Kuehl said. And even that isn’t guaranteed.
Kuehl noted that some mothers of the groom are given “very strict parameters from the bride” about what her dress should look like.
“Just roll with it. Don’t do a surprise outfit,” Kuehl said. “And for the love of God, do not wear white to your son’s wedding.
4. Contributing money to the wedding does not change anything. You still still have no say, Kuehl said.
“It was a gift, and when you give a gift, you don’t also get to give input,” Kuehl explained. “And if you’re going to have a problem not giving input with your gift, don’t give the money.
“No one needs a mother-of-the-groom in there, just stirring the pot and trying to take over,” Kuehl added.
5. “Not one single iota of the wedding is about you, the mother-of-the-groom,” Kuehl said. The Kansas City Star advice columnist recalled receiving a letter from a mom who wanted to be honored with a special part on her son’s big day.
“Your special part is showing up and being so excited that your son is getting married, and that’s it,” Kuehl concluded.
One boy mom shared her reaction:
“I just want to say while I don’t disagree … I have six sons. It’s why we mourn never having a daughter. We become second-class citizens and bystanders to life. It’s heart-wrenching,” one person wrote in the comments.
Other comments included:
- “Good MILS are taking notes, bad MILs are thinking, ‘This doesn’t apply to me.’”
- Unpopular opinion but as a boy mom I love my boys as much as y’all love your daughters. I’ve waited for his wedding just as you have for your daughters. I don’t want to plan their wedding but I’ll be damned if I’m told to shut up and sit down. My boys wouldn’t want to marry someone like that. I truly hope this is a joke. We boy boys are just as excited as girl moms. There I said it.”
- “Mean rules.”
- “Hallelujah! I don’t care if DIL wants a sober vegan barbecue in Texas, and you want Merlot and a steak, you smile and compliment that seitan kabob!”
- “Y’all realize MOTG’s child is getting married just as much as the MOTB’s child, right?”
- “How do I make sure my future mil sees this.”
- “My MIL called me to literally scream at me top of her lungs because I went with my mum, aunt and nana to pick my wedding dress and didn’t invite MIL…”
Kuehl, who has a son and a daughter, says rule No. 5 upset people the most.
“So many moms were really passive aggressive in the comments, writing stuff like, ‘Well, I guess I just won’t go,’” Kuehl says. “That’s just childish.”
According to Kuehl, the rules are “pretty much the same” for a mother-of-the-bride.