Divorce expert reveals six questions you need to ask yourself before calling it quits

The first Monday in January is often referred to as ‘Divorce Day’ when applications from warring couples looking to end their relationships peak. 

James Brien, author of ‘The Mindful Divorce: How to Heal and be Happy after Separation’ and founder of  said: “For many people the end of the year provides a chance to reflect and consider what they want in the future. 

“If your home life is unhappy then January can be seen as an opportunity for a fresh start. I rarely see couples choosing to divorce on a whim but there are some key questions I think need to be considered before a decision is made.”

Can our issues be resolved?

Divorce is never an easy decision, especially if there are children involved. It’s therefore important that both parties discuss whether problems can be fixed. 

Mr Brien said: “Infidelity, financial stresses, growing apart, fading intimacy…there are many reasons why problems arise in a marriage. 

“Whatever they may be, consider if they can be overcome. Have you made your feelings clear to your partner? 

“It’s often the case that communication breaks down and we think our partner knows how we feel, but this isn’t always the case.” 

Do we want to resolve them?

Once the problems have been identified, it’s important to consider whether both parties actually want to fix them. 

Mr Brien, who also wrote ‘The Real Man’s Guide to Divorce’, said: “Marriages take work and if you want to save it, then in most cases both people have to commit to making changes.”

Will marriage counselling be helpful?

Sometimes communication has broken down to such an extent that outside help is needed. This is where marriage counselling comes in, Mr Brien says. 

“If you want to make a marriage work but don’t know where to start, a counsellor or therapist can help. 

“While it might not fix everything, a professional should help you to find a way to communicate your problems more effectively with each other.”

How will we parent our children?

If there are children involved then it’s important to discuss how everything will work. 

Mr Brien said: “After a split the children are often, rightly, the priority. Consider how this might look before you decide to part ways for good. Will one parent take sole custody? Would you share parental responsibilities? Will the children stay in the family home?

“It’s important to ask these questions early on so you understand how your life will look in the future.”

How can we make this as amicable as possible?

Splitting will always be painful but it doesn’t have to destroy your life or leave you with an angry ex.  

Mr Brien said: “It is possible to lead a happy and healthy life after a divorce, but key to this is keeping things as amicable as possible from the start. 

“Be clear, open, honest and respectful of your partner’s feelings as well as your own.”

Are we prepared for the impact on finances?

The financial implications of divorce can be huge. 

Mr Brien continued: “Legal fees no longer need to cost a fortune – divorce can be done reasonably and easily online – but there are other considerations that need to be made such as dividing assets, shared debts and what to do with the family home.”

Easy Online Divorce aims to reduce the financial and emotional impact on families by helping couples spend less on their legal fees. 

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