When my dad passed away a week before Christmas in 2023, I wasn’t sure if I’d ever put up a Christmas tree again.
Once a magical symbol of the holidays, the tree was now an unwelcome reminder that my dad would never spend another Christmas with my family again.
So when the paralyzing shock of his death thawed and the new year arrived, I didn’t feel the normal twinge of sadness when I took down the tree and boxed up my favorite ornaments.
Instead, I felt a sense of relief.
It wasn’t only Christmas that felt like it had been taken from me, though. When my religious faith was temporarily shaken in the aftermath of his loss, I struggled to find something to believe in.
I began looking for my dad in signs … I became fascinated with the idea of our loved ones sending us messages from the other side.
I began looking for my dad in signs — like the time his favorite song welcomed me back to my hotel room in Paris last spring when I turned on the TV. I became fascinated with the idea of our loved ones sending us messages from the other side.
Then, a few weeks after my dad died, I interviewed Theresa Caputo, the Long Island Medium, for an article on TODAY.com about her Lifetime TV series, and she briefly connected me with him. It was a powerful moment that left me eager to learn more about mediumship, and I quickly devoured her four books.
I’d always been interested in psychic mediums, albeit with a healthy dose of skepticism, but our conversation sparked a new fascination in me.
Two months later, I had my first proper sit-down reading with a medium named Travis Holp. Our conversation opened me up to the real possibility that there was an afterlife and encouraged me to keep looking for the signs my dad sent me. Perhaps most importantly, it also helped me grieve in a more optimistic way.
Inside my reading with Theresa Caputo
As I prepared to mark the first anniversary of my dad’s death, I had the opportunity to talk with Caputo again, this time for a psychic medium reading.
It didn’t take long for her to ask if someone in my family had already decorated their Christmas tree.
That delighted me because, despite my initial hesitation about embracing the holiday, not to mention the fact that it wasn’t even Thanksgiving yet, we had already put a tree up.
Caputo went on to explain that my father’s spirit was present with us when my husband and I decorated the tree. He even knew that we’d hung two ornaments in his honor.
“He says, ‘I want them to celebrate. I don’t want them not to celebrate,’” the medium said, and I instantly knew I’d done the right thing by putting my tree up.
The reading was full of comedic moments that brought much-needed levity, including one where, through Caputo, my father declared he was “exhausted” after sharing so many messages for me. (He was known to be dramatic at times.)
At another point, Caputo said that my dad, who was diagnosed with cancer a few months before he died, wants me to remember him the way he was before his health rapidly declined.
“He also said, ‘I want you to remember me and my strong voice,’” Caputo relayed. That really hit home since my dad’s voice was incredibly weak toward the end of his life, and nothing like his commanding voice of the past.
I also passed along a request from my mom, who wanted Caputo to ask my dad if she had forgotten to do anything around the house that he normally did.
Caputo soon started talking about water and faucets. Then she got more specific and mentioned an oil burner and a furnace. After our session, I relayed the information to my mom. The next morning, she called to tell me that her boiler in the basement was leaking water.
We were both stunned, but also reassured to know he is still watching over her.
Caputo told me that my dad communicates “very strongly” with my family via signs.
“He goes, ‘Theresa, you don’t understand my job over here. My family, they’re constantly asking me for these signs and I show them signs and then they’re calling each other up going, ‘Are you sure that that was Dad?’” Caputo said.
I do keep a list of some of the signs I believe my dad has sent me and often compare notes with my mom about the signs we receive.
Caputo accurately noted that my sister feels like she doesn’t see as many signs as I do and pointed out that everyone connects with their departed loved ones in a different way.
“There is no right or wrong way,” she said. “The way that you heal, the way that you grieve, the way that you connect is going to be different because your relationship was different.”
Lessons in grief
Encountering grief is par for the course in Caputo’s field. Along the way, she’s learned a few lessons about the grieving process. Most importantly, grief never goes away.
“It’s always there,” Caputo said. “I think that when we lose a loved one, we’re not the same. It changes us, no matter who we lose.”
And yet, everyone grieves differently, she added.
For me, connecting with my late father — regardless of what you believe about whether or not that is possible — helped me understand that he is still with me, just in a different way.
I spoke with Kelsey Latimer, a licensed psychologist and the founder/owner of KML Psychological Services, about the use of mediumship in the grieving process.
“It is not uncommon for people to turn to a variety of means to connect with their deceased loved ones,” she said. “The idea of never seeing or communicating with someone again can leave us with a sense of emptiness, loss and often a missing piece that feels like it’s lacking closure.”
People often develop a range of coping mechanisms to process the death of a loved one.
“Perhaps it is making meaning of the loss, believing in a higher power or certain religious beliefs that help guide them through faith, and for others finding a sense of closure by speaking to those who claim to be able to communicate with our deceased family members,” she said.
Seeking the assistance of a psychic medium is neither healthy nor unhealthy, according to Latimer.
“It certainly isn’t the place of anyone else to judge someone for what they believe will help them in the grieving process, even if it isn’t what they would personally do,” she said.
Of course, it’s important to understand why you’re interested in speaking with a medium in case you “do not receive the answers you are seeking,” she said. The expert also encourages people to set “boundaries with coping tools” and “research the people, professionals or things you bring into your life to ensure you get what you need and are safe in the process.”
Renewed hope for the year ahead
Grief is a personal experience that everyone approaches differently. For me, finding a new way to communicate with my father now that he’s gone has been deeply comforting and has helped me navigate this first major loss.
I understand why some people are skeptical about mediumship since it’s hard to believe what you can’t see. But for me, getting a brief sign from my dad can give me the boost I need to forge ahead.
Caputo has seen the “life-changing” power of readings throughout her career, especially during her live shows where many fans gather with the hope of getting a message from their loved ones.
“You can’t explain it. You feel it. You can feel the energy in the room and you watch someone heal right in front of your eyes,” she said.
During my own reading with Caputo, my dad alluded to an “exciting” year ahead in 2025 and I’m confident that he will be there with my family every step of the way.
Throughout the year following my dad’s death, I occasionally wondered if I would ever rediscover my love for Christmas, or if my grief would forever overshadow that piece of me.
I now know it won’t.