Poor Sarah Ferguson is the real victim of insufferable Andrew’s latest idiocy

For 22 years Sarah Ferguson spent her Christmases apart from her daughters Beatrice and Eugenie.

They headed off to Sandringham with their father and the rest of the royals for fun and frolics while Sarah stayed home alone watching old movies and waiting for the news so she could see her girls going to church in the morning with the family who had banished her.

She was an outcast, the black sheep of the family, a title which her chump of a husband has now assumed. It’s hard to work out whether is thick, greedy, immoral or a revolting combination of all three, but the fact remains that at 64 this man-child has spent most of his pampered, cossetted life disgracing, humiliating and shaming not just his family but the Monarchy.

It started years ago when he was Britain’s trade envoy and there were stories about his connections to dodgy dictators and despots. More recently, it was his friendship with convicted paedophile Jeffery Epstein and the fact he’s paying an estimated £12million to one of Epstein’s girls who claims they had sex three times.

Now it’s his friendship with Yang Tengbo, a Chinese businessman who could be a spy but who is definitely an advisor to China’s president . So whatever Fergie did – the toe sucking with her financial advisor, the deal demanding money for access to Andrew – is nothing compared to what her fool of a husband has done.

And the tragedy is that after all the decades in the wilderness, Sarah finally made it back into the royal fold last year. Maybe it was the fact she’d twice fought off cancer? Who knows? But last year Charles and Camilla invited her for Christmas at Sandringham. She also attended the Boxing Day shoot which would have had Prince Phillip turning in his grave because that was traditionally HIS day.

But this week the insufferable idiot Andrew yet again cocked it all up, not just for Sarah but for his family who must be raging at his capacity to cause international furores that shame and humiliate them. They’re all working like Billy-o to keep the monarchy relevant in a country that increasingly questions its value – and there’s the stupefyingly arrogant Andrew doing everything he can to bring it down.

In order not to heap more humiliation on the family, Andrew had reluctantly agreed not to go to Sandringham for Christmas this year. However when it was suggested he shouldn’t go to the King’s pre-Christmas family lunch in London, he didn’t understand why. He reportedly told friends HE was family and he had every right to be there.

And that’s the problem – this pampered fool doesn’t understand that, after being stripped of his official titles, his royal duties and losing what was left of his tattered reputation after the Epstein scandal, he doesn’t have any rights. And his supreme selfishness shows he has no real understanding about the gravity of this “spy” situation. And he was making this lunch about what HE wants, not what’s best for the family and the monarchy.

And so it took a gentle word from Sarah to persuade him not to go. It’ll also be down to Sarah to persuade her errant ex to move out of Royal Lodge, the £30million mansion Charles says is too big and too expensive for just the two of them, but where Andrew wants to stay because he can kid himself that he still has royal status and that he matters.

I know Fergie has done some daft things in her time but she’s paid the price and, let’s face it, none of it compares to what her ex-husband has done. Or even Meghan and Harry.

Frankly, Andrew’s lucky to have her because everyone else who loves him has – with good reason – bailed on him.

I’m just sorry she didn’t get to spend her twilight years back in the bosom of the family and instead has to spend it with a spoiled, indulged man who will never accept responsibility for his mistakes and will spend his life railing at those who say he must.

A Royal Christmas card

Compare and contrast two Christmas cards. Kate, William and their kids giggling, cuddling and looking as happy as clams – despite the hellish year they’ve had. It’s a card that says: “We got through it and we’re happy.”

Then there’s Harry and Meghan’s. We only see the backs of Archie and Lilibet’s heads and they’re running towards mum and dad who have their arms outstretched. But none of it rings true.

This card feels like it’s all about H&M trying to create what they imagine is a happy family photo, but which looks to be more about reinforcing their brand than genuine Christmas greetings. And parents who are so worried about their children’s security that they always hide their faces really shouldn’t use them on a Christmas card – at all!

Jolie’s ‘terrifying’ dating life 

Angelina Jolie says she’s lonely after her split with Brad Pitt and wants to meet someone.

Perhaps if she hadn’t so publicly tried to destroy Pitt, if she wasn’t even now – eight years after they split – wrangling with him over a jointly-owned vineyard which she tried to sell out from under him, if she wasn’t always constantly banging on about her pain and turmoil blokes might be tempted.

But there’s also the little matter of her druggie past and how she and ex Billy Bob Thornton used to drink each other’s blood. All of which makes her what some men might call “high maintenance” and a little bit terrifying!

Christmas comes early 

An early Christmas present for us all – those two thug brothers who were accused of assaulting male and female police officers at Manchester airport have finally been charged. But the best news is that none of the officers involved will be charged with anything. Hurrah! There really is a Santa!

BBC’s ridiculous attitude against pensioners 

The is looking ever more ridiculous – and partial – as it refuses to play Freezing This Christmas, a spoof song that slams Starmer for stripping pensioners of their winter fuel allowance.

The song, written by Sir Starmer and the Granny Harmers (to the tune of Mud’s ‘74 track, It’ll Be Lonely this Christmas), is racing up the charts and might even hit No 1 (it’s already topped the singles download charts). And that’s good because it’s to raise money for Age UK, a charity that’s currently under huge pressure because Starmer has forced some elderly people to choose between heating and eating this winter.

Still, what can you expect from the Corporation that’s happy to see hard up pensioners slung in jail for not having paid their licence fee.

Yvette – proof please

Home Secretary Yvette Cooper says 13,500 migrants have been sent back. We’d like proof of that please. Because if this was true, surely the Government would have been shouting it from the rooftops – and it isn’t. So come on, Yvette – proof please.

Starmer’s big lie 

I have written at length about what this shambles of a Government has done to WASPI women – women born in the 50’s who weren’t given enough warning about pension changes so had to work five years longer before getting their pension.

But my four penn’orth here? Kier Starmer told those women categorically and unequivocally that he would end the injustice against them when he was elected. It was a big fat lie which he peddled to get their vote and – once he had – he shafted and betrayed them.

MasterChef’s replacement 

Restaurant critic Grace Dent has replaced Greg Wallace on MasterChef although why the thinks replacing a disgraced chauvinist with a woke woman is beyond me. The omens aren’t good.

Dent calls herself a “part time vegan”, which will incense vegans everywhere who’ll say Ms Dent is ridiculing their cause. She also says she doesn’t like eating anything with a face – which doesn’t make her an effective food critic or a judge of other people’s food.

My beef with her is that she fled THE I’m a Celeb jungle after just 15 days claiming she couldn’t live that long without her phone. Then trying to salvage something out of her weaseliness, she said the jungle had given her a “short, sharp glimpse into the pain some folk worldwide endure”.

No it didn’t, you silly mare. You were on a TV set. It wasn’t real and you could – and did – escape when the going got tough.

Merry Christmas

I’d like to wish you all a very Merry Christmas. And, yes, there’ll be some in the Woke Brigade who’ll say I should be saying “Happy Holidays” or “Happy Festive Season” so as not to offend. Well tough. Anyone who’s offended by the term Merry Christmas needs to give their heads a wobble.

But seriously, I LOVE talking to you all every week and believe me when I say I couldn’t do this column without you. I value both your praise and your criticism because like Bob Hoskins used to say in those BT ads: “It’s good to talk.”

Wishing you all a magical Christmas and lets all raise a glass to 2025 – where we’ll talk some more… Cx