The UNFCCC COP29 Climate Conference in Baku, Azerbaijan. (Image: Getty Images)
So once again the annual environmental circus that is a United Nations COP summit drew to a close last night and once again everyone involved blamed everyone else for the fact no-body was really happy with the 13th hour drop-in-the-ocean deal, despite the Azerbaijan host’s desperate efforts.
Like the UN, one begins to wonder what the point of this oft-ridiculous political set-piece actually is.
COP 29 in Azerbaijan was slated to end on Friday night – but because absolutely nothing had been achieved it ran over into an emergency session which ended with a cobbled-together deal nobody seems to want, in the early hours of this morning.
The over-run was triggered by a group of small island states who walked out in disgust at the developed nations’ (read the West’s) inaction.
“A bad deal is worse than no-deal” protesters in Baku had been earnestly chanting all week.
But with a climate-sceptical Trump presidency just around the corner the small island negotiators knew that was just a slogan on a placard and, after securing headlines with the walkout, returned to the table and took the deal.
And the deal was basically the rich nations pay the poor nations $300bn to help mitigate the effects of climate change.
But, thanks in no small part to the ducking and weaving of a perennially unhelpful EU, it was proper chuck-a-dart-in-a-dartboard economics.
The bidding started at $100bn. Then $250bn was mooted, and – thanks largely to the Azerbaijan hosts climate activists have been monstering all week – a figure of $300bn was eventually agreed.
(One advocate even demanded $7 TRILLION, or about a fifth of all the money in the entire world. One wonders about the basic grasp of economics of some of our would-be leaders.)
The British Government who, to their credit, seemed to be at the forefront of negotiations supporting Azerbaijan in the final hours, managed to find an extra chunk of small change – some £239m – even though no-one was asking. It will be spent by the UN tackling deforestation. Of course what our pensioners and farmers will make of that I shall leave to you to decide.
There is a very confusing clause tacked on to the deal too, to raise a further $1.3tn from the private sector across the planet, though no-one seems to know quite how, except your airline tickets will be going up. Well of course they will.
A ridiculously posturing China by the way was pushing for $500Bn to be given to the developing nations.
But then she would.
China is the planet’s second richest economy – within a decade she will be the No1 global superpower and yet at COP (and the blitheringly idiotic UN) China is still classed as a “developing nation” meaning she doesn’t have to contribute a red cent.
China is of course also the world’s largest emitter of greenhouse gases. Couldn’t make it up.
Similar hypocrisy and posturing from our friends in Brussels too of course. EU president Ursula von der Leyen couldn’t actually be bothered attending COP29.
Not only did this send out a catastrophic “couldn’t care less” message but behind the scenes European delegates were reported to be jockeying to limit the deal to $200bn …. before of course last night celebrating how wonderful they were after the $300bn deal was pushed through largely against their wishes.
It surprised precisely no-one that the 27-nation bloc was awarded a Climate Network COP29 award for “doing the most to achieve the least”.
Meanwhile France’s pint-pot Napoleon Emmanuel Macron similarly disgraced himself by effectively boycotting the proceedings. And this had nothing to do with climate change and everything to do with keeping the votes of France’s Armenian diaspora who despise Azerbaijan and President Aliyev.
German leader Olaf Scholz didn’t bother and Dutch Prime Minister Dick Schoof didn’t think it worth his time either.
A number of EU critics suggested so many Euro nations are now so overwhelmed with debt and are taxing citizens into near penury that they thought it best to stay away from Baku rather than admit they are basically broke.
And you can see why the Association of Small Island States (brought to the world’s attention by Azerbaijan’s president Ilham Aliyev on day one of the conference incidentally) are less than convinced by the “Global North’s” commitment to tackling climate change.
The Maldives are three feet above sea level, the Seychelles, Mauritius and many Caribbean islands not much more.
The inhabitants have every right to be very nervous.
We will simply lose these islands as a planet unless we pull our collective finger out.
Final assessment? Yes COP29 was a fudge, and the politicking would make your flesh crawl, but ultimately a bad deal is better than no deal. For everyone.
Even the perpetually apoplectic Greta Thunberg knows this and tweeted as much.
So yes, a huge amount of work remains to be done by the COP29 Presidency in the run up to COP30 Rio – especially with the huge elephant in the room that is a Trump presidency.
But 196 nations came together and emerged with something. A very imperfect something, but a hell of a lot better than nothing.