Kids may say the darndest things, but parentstweet about them in the funniest ways. Although Twitter has rebranded to X, the humor lives on.
Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on the social media platform to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more!
I put my daughter to bed an hour ago and she’s just come down and asked me if cats have shoulders
— Amy (@queenofaerobics) November 19, 2024
Those are NOT normal gifts
-my 6yo listening to the 12 Days of Christmas
— meghan (@deloisivete) November 20, 2024
When your kid has to start the science project, do they tell you the in the morning or the night before the deadline?
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) November 18, 2024
My daughter yelled at me this morning for waking her up because in her dream she was about to get a puppy
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) November 21, 2024
Made a mistake by asking the toddler how many cookies she wants… now she’s pissed that I don’t have “ten hundred cookies.”
— Trey (@treydayway) November 21, 2024
You can have kids or you can always know where your scissors & tape are.
But you can’t have both.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) November 18, 2024
This is a PSA to all parents to go through your preschooler’s backpack. There’s a baggie of raw pumpkin seeds in there and they have about 3 weeks of mold on them.
— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) November 16, 2024
I think the most financially irresponsible thing I’ve done is get my kids to like sushi.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 18, 2024
Me when I was 4, with two older brothers: *casually watching a man get his beating heart pulled out of his chest in Indiana Jones, undisturbed*
My son who is 4 but the oldest child: This episode of If You Give a Mouse a Cookie is too scary.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) November 17, 2024
My current occupation is reading my baby’s books to him and then explaining why the storytelling was not particularly good.
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) November 19, 2024
My step son mad because I bought him some fake Jordan’s boy you my fake son
— MoMo ® (@momo4deuce) November 19, 2024
My daughter raging at me at 7am on a Monday cause I can’t braid her hair like fuckin Vidal Sassoon.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) November 18, 2024
Just saw a toddler running past my house waving a red flag with their mom chasing after them and I’ve never seen a more accurate depiction of parenthood.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) November 18, 2024
6yo: What does hollow mean?
My wife: It means something is empty on the inside…….like daddy’s head.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) November 19, 2024
No joke my 13 year old is preparing a power point presentation of her Christmas list to present to everyone at thanksgiving
— Emily ™ (@emily_tweets) November 16, 2024
My 6 year old now sleeps with a tin of teeth next to her bed because they’re her teeth and the tooth fairy can’t have them mum!
— Lottie-pop 🍭 (@Lottie_Poppie) November 17, 2024
little kid 1: When is your birthday?
little kid 2: It’s next year
little kid 1: That’s when mine is too!
— Kiss my Fat Ash🍑 (@Tobi_Is_Fab) November 17, 2024
I would get in trouble for looking at my parents wrong. Meanwhile my daughter acts like we are inconveniencing her every time we make her come out of her room for dinner.
— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) November 19, 2024
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Tonight I was walking outside with my 10yo son and I mentioned how cold I was. Without even looking up he goes, “That’s because you’re weak and feeble.”
— CCP IS ASSHOE (@CCPISASSH0E) November 20, 2024
When I was 8 months pregnant with my first child, I went to McDonald’s and the man behind me asked what I was having and I said “A Big Mac, probably a value meal.”
— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) November 21, 2024
Growing up in the 90s is finally paying off, my kid just asked me about the Bermuda Triangle
— meghan (@deloisivete) November 16, 2024