Some grandparents can’t get enough of watching their grandchildren. Katie Peterson, a 52-year-old grandmother from Oklahoma, prefers to babysit in small doses.
“There are a lot of grandparents … who feel immense guilt because their kids expect them to take care of their kids and they don’t want to all the time,” Peterson tells TODAY.com. “They allow their kids to take advantage of them. Thankfully, I really have not found that with my kids. We have healthy boundaries.”
Peterson expressed herself in a TikTok video after a recent sleepover with her 2-year-old granddaughter Sage. After the little girl went home, Peterson explained why she relishes her solitude.
“‘I can’t imagine not wanting to keep my grandkids every single day’ — not me,” Peterson said in the video. “I had my granddaughter overnight on Friday night and all day Saturday and by Saturday night, I was like, ‘When are your parents coming to pick you up?’ And 98% of the time, she’s the best. But she’s 2, so she loves to throw fits and … I was tired by Saturday night.”
Peterson shared the upside of the “grown and flown” stage.
“I love my empty nest and I love getting to sit out here … on my patio and not have to be responsible for a tiny human. Been there, done that. It was great but I like my incremental times with my granddaughter. But if you want yours every day, that is totally fine. No judgment — you don’t judge me and I won’t judge you.”
Peterson confessed that separating from Sage is bittersweet.
“I’ll be honest. By yesterday — so, literally less than 24 hours later, — she’s FaceTiming me and I’m like, ‘Come back! Come back over! I miss you!’” she said in the video. “So I needed a 12 to 24 hour break and then I’m ready to go again. That’s how I like to grandparent.”
Most of Peterson’s viewers said grandparents should not have an open-door policy for childcare.
- “Same girl. It’s exhausting and for young folks only.”
- “I have 2-year-old and 4-month-old granddaughters. They wear me out. I was on the floor and had to crawl to the couch to get up. I love seeing them more than anything, but I know my physical limits.”
- “I’m raising one of mine and the exhaustion is unreal.”
- “I babysit two days a week and I am wiped by the time my 21 month old leaves.”
- “My mom is like you. I know she loves her grand babies but she can’t deal with them every day.”
- “My grandson was over and I could not wait until he left.”
- “Life of an empty nester. Bliss and tranquility at its finest.”
- “I thought I was a bad grandma for feeling like this.”
- “I feel you. We just aren’t in our baby-raising season. We are going through enough changes in our bodies.”
- “I’m the same. They can visit for short intervals.”
Peterson tells TODAY.com that she looks forward to weekly dates with Sage and babysitting when her son and daughter-in-law need childcare. She’s unwilling, however, to make herself available every day.
“We’ve already raised our kids … and we want to be grandparents,” she says. For Peterson, that role means giving Sage her undivided attention during their quality time together, not reliving the days of parenting “in survival mode.”
Their playdates, often at the park or the zoo, are “a blast,” but Peterson is sometimes “exhausted” when Sage’s parents pick her up.
“If we kept our granddaughter every day, then it would feel like we were parenting,” explains Peterson, adding, “We’ve been there, done that.”
Peterson says she didn’t have “a village” as a young parent.
“I was a stay-at-home mom because we couldn’t afford for me to work and put the kids in daycare,” she says, adding, “My mom died when I was 12 … I have a wonderful relationship with my mother-in-law but we didn’t live in the same town.”
Peterson says she’s read TikTok comments about grandparents who overstep in their grandchildren’s lives and adult children who feel “entitled” to their parents’ time. That’s not the case in Peterson’s family.
According to Peterson, Sage’s maternal grandparents frequently help with childcare and her son and “wonderful” daughter-in-law respect her schedule.
Time with her granddaughter, says Peterson, is regular and “on my terms.”
Peterson admits that after a day or so apart, she is eager to see her granddaughter again.