Kids may say the darndest things, but parentstweet about them in the funniest ways. Although Twitter has rebranded to X, the humor lives on.
Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on the social media platform to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more!
if there is a particular food you would like your children to eat less, just go buy a massive box of it at Costco
— Taylor Schumann (@taylorsschumann) September 25, 2024
I fell off a podium in front of 200 people after doing a reading at my uncle’s funeral, hobbled back to my pew with a swollen sprained ankle, sat down turned to my son and he asked me for a snack
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) September 24, 2024
My brother drank a bourbon and challenged my kids to Mario Kart. My kids are about to learn how annoying it is to lose to my brother when he’s drunk.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) September 25, 2024
My 6yo fell and got a big bump on his forehead, so he’s right on schedule for school picture day
— meghan (@deloisivete) September 25, 2024
The pediatrician: What do you eat at your house?
My 5yo: MOSTLY NACHOS
Me: I mean, that’s not ALL we eat, hon.
5yo: YOU ARE RIGHT. WE ALSO EAT COSTCO PIZZA— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) September 26, 2024
I love when my kids get along and play nicely together and are so kind to each other. It’s the best 60 seconds of my day.
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) September 22, 2024
A mom complimented my dress, so I did what I was supposed to do and told her where I got it. But then her friend rolled her eyes and said, “look who’s name dropping,” and I don’t understand what just happened here.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) September 24, 2024
I’ve spent a small fortune on my kids through the years.
My son bought me a $1 coke at McDonald’s & would like to be immediately paid back.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 25, 2024
My husband just got a new job so he got sent some COBRA forms in the mail.
Husband: We don’t actually need COBRA, though, my health insurance already started.
4yo: YES WE DO NEED A COBRA
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) September 25, 2024
4yo walked in the house after school, dropped her pants, sighed like she just finished a 9-5, and then spent the afternoon lounging on the couch in her underwear. Guess she’s ready for adulthood.
— MommyingHard (@MommyingHard) September 25, 2024
“Ai is coming for your job” I’d like to see Ai quit a paid gig to take care of its tiny Ai offspring and cry every day
— sarah (@sarahradz_) September 26, 2024
The tenth circle of hell is swimming birthday parties that require the parents in the pool.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) September 21, 2024
I hate when my kid uses my words against me, like when I make dinner and she won’t eat it even though it’s delicious, and then she lectures me on how “different people have different tastes”
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) September 24, 2024
Thinking about when I got to the hospital to give birth and the doctor asked when the contractions started and I said “11:48” and he laughed and said “Wow, so specific. 11:48 and how many seconds?” and I’m just saying that man is lucky to be alive.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) September 25, 2024
All dads know you never call in an order for Mexican takeout. You go there, sit at the bar, place your order, and enjoy a beer in peace.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 21, 2024
My grandparents had the coolest sayings like you’re the bees knees and then my kids are like don’t be so skibidi toilet rizz.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) September 24, 2024
My 6yo is now spelling long words, so I jokingly asked if she could spell “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” and I played the song on Alexa. When she heard it, she told Alexa to stop the music, just to ask me “How old are you?”
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) September 24, 2024
parenting book: organization is the key
my wife: *starts alphabetizing the wine*
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) September 24, 2024
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If I ever can’t find my kids, I’ll just go sit on the toilet, they’re guaranteed to find me there.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) September 23, 2024
my teenagers’ vibe can be best explained as ‘selective hearing’ meets ‘endless appetite’ with a dash of ‘I know everything’ seasoning.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) September 25, 2024
Support Free Journalism
Consider supporting HuffPost starting at $2 to help us provide free, quality journalism that puts people first.
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Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. We hope you’ll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
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